losing your memory
by RuinsofGallifrey
Summary: Merlin feels unappreciated and leaves Camelot when Arthur loses his memory and forgets  their friendship.Will arthur remember in time to save his only friend? Songfic. Not intended but could be read as M/A slash. Slightly OOC. crappy summary I know..R&R


**Authors note: Please be aware this is my first attempt at merlin fan-fic, and I'm really hoping you guys enjoy it. Although no slash was intended, at can be read with it if you so choose. This is just a one-shot, but I'm hoping to write more merlin fan-fics if this one turns out. Please review! I love the feedback!**

**(BTW there may be some spoilers but I'm not sure. This takes place after Arthur is King and while Gwen is banished.. It may be a little OOC though)**

Your Losing your Memory..

"_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now"**_

It had been more than 2 weeks since the Daragthu incident. Arthur had been kidnapped during one of those stupid hunting trips and it had been up to the knights and I to rescue our King. Chances of finding him alive seemed slim; Daragthu was a well known sorcerer and had sided with Morgana against Camelot some years ago. Neither of them were a friend of the King.

So we were shocked to find Arthur alive and seemingly unharmed, aside from a large bruise over his forehead; while Daragthu was nowhere to be found. I was immensely relieved. It was my responsibility to protect Arthur from situations exactly like this, and I had failed. He could have _died _because I was unable to protect him.

We had taken him to Gaius, to make sure there were no internal head injuries as it looked as if he had been knocked up about the head rather hard. He seemed extremely confused about everything, especially about why I was helping him. He didn't seem to remember who I was.

Gaius had confirmed that he was suffering from temporary partial memory loss, due to the head wound. But he ensured that it would return—in time.

I wanted to be there for him, to support him, but he had forgotten I was his friend. He saw me as just a lowly servant and treated me worse than he ever had before. It was hard. Impossibly hard to go from having a friend one day and losing him the next. He didn't remember anything I had ever done for him. I was forgotten.

"Merlin! Is my armour polished yet?" he called.

"Not yet, Sire. I'm almost finished with it." I replied.

That wasn't enough for him though. Something he would have let go in the past now caused him to walk over to where I was sitting. He looked down with a glare and spat right on the spot I was polishing. I flinched.

With a smug smirk on his face he said, "There, you missed a spot," Before stalking off.

I knew better than to complain though. Instead of calling him a prat as I normally would have done, I bundled my pride and continued my chores, reminding myself that this wouldn't last. He'd get his memory back soon.

"_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now"**_

Arthur had forgotten to tell me he was going riding later in the day. I hadn't had any time to prepare his horse before he was ready to leave. I was running a comb through the horses mane when Arthur came sauntering down the steps, sword on his hip and game bag slung over his shoulder. He stopped short when he saw me still working on his horse.

"What are you doing?" he asked, anger hidden in his voice.

"Sire I only just found out that you planned on riding today. I am almost finished with your horse and then you will be able to go. I'm sorry for any delay." I replied formally, trying to subdue his inevitable tantrum.

"MERLIN! I told you hours ago to prepare the horses! It's not MY fault you were too lazy to do it earlier. Probably mucking around in the tavern again!" he yelled.

He strode over and grabbed me by the hair, ripping me up and away from the horse. He smashed his fist into my face, below my right eye, sending be sprawling back onto the ground. After looking at me in disgust for a moment, he turned and stomped away.

I was too stunned to even move. Arthur had never struck me before, no matter how mad he got with me.

It was then I realized that he was gone, and for good. Even if his memory did come back, things would never be the same between us. I knew what I had to do.

"_**Call all your friends**_

_**Tell them I'm never coming back**_

_**'Cause this is the end**_

_**Pretend that you want it, don't react"**_

"Gaius, I'm leaving." I announced emotionlessly to my guardian. My mentor. I knew my decision would hurt him, and others, but I wouldn't stand by through Arthurs abuse. Until he regained his memory, I would be gone.

Gaius looked up, aghast. I had completely rocked him. He had no idea of the situation between Arthur and I. I could already see the questions forming on his lips.

"I'm sorry Gaius, but I _have _to leave for a while. I can't tell you why, so don't ask," his eyes darkened. "All I can say is that it won't be forever. And that…. I'm sorry," I managed to say, voice breaking at the sight of this man's face.

I backed out of the door before he could respond. Before I shut the door, I swore I heard a sob. I left quickly, not wanting my emotions to cloud up my thinking. My mind was made up and I didn't need anyone talking me out of it.

With a heavy heart, I readied myself to say goodbye to my King.

"_**The damage is done**_

_**The police are coming too slow now**_

_**I would have died**_

_**I would have loved you all my life"**_

" Arthur, can I talk to you for a minute. It's important," I asked hesitantly.

He looked up from his deskwork, eyes narrowing. "Are you finished with your work already, Merlin?"

I sighed. Here it goes, I thought. "No. That's what I came to talk to you about."

He motioned for me to elaborate, grumbling.

"I quit." I said simply.

He shrugged and waved me out of the room, before turning back to his work.

Chest tight, eyes burning and brimming with unshed tears, I turned my back on my destiny.

"_**Where have you gone?**_

_**The beach is so cold in winter here**_

_**And where have I gone?**_

_**I wake in Montauk with you near"**_

Arthur could tell something was off. Something important was missing from his life. He just wasn't sure what. He knew that someone very important to him was now gone, but he wasn't sure who or why.

It was so frustrating. He knew it was his fault. He had done something and had pushed someone too far.

He was hoping to clear his head with an evening ride, but his lousy servant hadn't even managed to do his job. And then that _same _servant up and quit, leaving Arthur with the responsibility of finding a new one.

His annoyance finally boiled over, causing Arthur to slam his fist against the wall.

"_WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER!"_ He cried to the emptiness of his chambers.

"_**Remember the day**_

_**'Cause this is what dreams should always be**_

_**I just want to stay**_

_**I just want to keep this dream in me"**_

Arthur remembered better in his dreams. Memories swam freely there, where is reality they remained fuzzy and confused. Everything was clear to him when he slept. There were no secrets in his mind.

He was content as he slept. He remembered Gwen, his ex-fiancé. Although he would never admit it to anyone, he regretted banishing her. He wanted her to be with him now, to help his remember.

He had memories of his father, Uther. Arthur never wanted his father to die, was heartbroken when it happened. He wasn't ready to be king; he wasn't able to handle all the responsibility of running a kingdom by himself, just look at what happened with his servant.

Oh! Merlin! It almost hurt just to remember what he had done. He had hit his best friend, and watched him walk out on his job. Walk out of his life. And Arthur hadn't done anything to stop him. His best friend was gone and he could do nothing about it, knowing that the moment he woke all of this knowledge would be lost again, to be rediscovered again the next night.

He fought against consciousness, not wanting to leave the memories behind, but he knew his efforts were in vain.

"_**Wake up, it's time, little girl, wake up**_

_**All the best of what we've done is yet to come**_

_**Wake up, it's time, little girl, wake up**_

_**Just remember who I am in the morning"**_

He woke with a start, sensing that something was off. It took a minute to realize…_he could remember!_

He dashed to Gaius's chambers as soon as he finished dressing.

"Gaius! Where's Merlin?" he burst out.

"Are you alright, Sire?" Gaius asked; worried with the frantic look in the Kings eyes. "Merlin is not here. He left late yesterday afternoon." He said with pained regret.

"He's…not…..here?" Arthur repeated, confused. Dread filled his features.

"I'm sorry, Sire."

Arthur was numb as he exited Gaius's room. He couldn't believe he had driven Merlin off. But after his actions the other day, he began to wonder why Merlin hadn't left sooner.

His eyes hardened as he made up his mind and let out a silent vow.

"I haven't forgotten you Merlin. I _will _come for you."

"_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory now**_

_**You're losing your memory"**_


End file.
